I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
