Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
