i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Too much gin, very little bucket
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
