i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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