Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
