i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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