I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
