Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
