boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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