the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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