I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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