Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
