If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
