it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
