it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
foreskin is a definite game changer
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
