Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
