dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
