I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
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The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
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but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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