Soap is not a condiment
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
