I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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