the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
