Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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