Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
