This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
