We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
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If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
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I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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