Need sex. Gaining weight.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Threesome in a minivan. New low
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
