your parents love me but you hate me
You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
