so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
