I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I'm really busy with my period
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