You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
