when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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