I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Someone shit on the floor
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
