Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
