Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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