fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
