the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You need Xanax blowdarts
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
