I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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