I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
