Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
