I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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