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• (310): View more from California

   I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  the room spins SO much faster in panama

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.

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• (315): View more from New York

  New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.

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• (818): View more from California

  There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.

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