I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
