I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
They have beer where we have blood.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
