Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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