I heard we made out
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
