I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
