White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
