I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
