no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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