at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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