He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
