She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
