just come out here and I will go home with you...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
