I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
