Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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