dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The air was thick with penises
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
