pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
