anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
