the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
