I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
