I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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