I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
