if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
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Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
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I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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