Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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