Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
