i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
