She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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