Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
