hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
