I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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