i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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