I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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