Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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